Ten Surefire Signs You're Either The Only Child Or The Last Child
Quirky Articles ep 6
Being the only runt in the pack has a way of labelling you. It imbues you with a certain set of behavioural qualities.
You can call it a mental signature. If you’re an only child or the last kid in the litter then here’s your character in ten points.
10. Don’t get sarcasm.
Oh yep, you’re so logical. Imagine a conversation with your mum where she says ‘wow Junior, you want five hundred naira?
Why don’t you take hundred thousand instead? Wouldn’t that be better?” or “Oh you want an extra piece of chicken? Why don’t you take the full lap?”
Now these two statements mean two very different things. Take it from the view point of Junior, a kid with siblings.
How a kid with siblings translates the mom’s two statements
“Wow Junior, you want five hundred naira? Why don’t you take hundred thousand instead?”------ mom’s statement.
Stage 1 (Junior’s sarcasm detector of a brain analyses the statements)
Thus breaking mom’s statement into sections, Junior gets:
Section 1) Wants five hundred naira (mom can give five hundred naira) = sensible request.
Section 2) Why don’t you take hundred thousand? (mom doesn’t have hundred thousand to give just one child. What about all the others?) = ridiculous answer.
Stage 2 (Junior scans for elements of sarcasm)
By scanning for sentences containing dissing and mockery aka sarcasm…….
Junior’s brain is swift to spot one glaring result: Why don’t you take hundred thousand?
Stage 3 (Junior translates Sarcasm to Plain English)
When Junior’s brain translates the sarcastic statement to English we get “No junior, I won’t give you five hundred naira!”
Going to statement two we have
“Oh you want an extra piece of chicken? Why don’t you take the full lap?”---- mom’s statement
Breaking mom’s statement into sections, Junior gets:
Section 1) Wants an extra piece of chicken (mom can give an extra piece of chicken) = Sensible request.
Section 2) Why don’t you take the full lap? (absolutely ridiculous answer. Mom would never do that and besides his siblings could murder him for that) = ridiculous answer.
Scanning for sentences containing dissing and signs of mockery aka sarcasm…….
Junior’s brain spots sarcasm all over the statement:
Oh you want an extra piece of chicken? (fake concern)
Why don’t you take the full lap? (Yea right)
Translating the sarcastic statement to English, Mom’s statement becomes: “You get what you get period!”
And that’s how Junior with siblings reads his mom’s statements. He’s been conditioned by the need to share the family’s resources with all the other runts like him.
Secondly, because there are other kids to pick from, mom doesn’t have to play nice all the time. Junior understands this.
But all this is lost on Junior without siblings. Being an only child, all the family’s resources are shared just between him and his old peeps.
One hundred thousand naira isn’t that ridiculous. In fact here’s how he reads mom’s statements
First and final stage (analysing statement sections)
“Wow Junior, you want five hundred naira? Why don’t you take hundred thousand instead?”----(excellent answer)
He’ll roll his eyes and be like gosh, she’s so overprotective all the time. But yep I’ll take the hundred thousand.
This is simply because he’s not been conditioned for sarcasm. Sarcasm comes from becoming resigned to the way things work out.
Sarcastic statements are simply funny ways of announcing that things work out in a certain way.
But of course he has no reason to understand the way things work out because let’s face it, life is good.
Because of this conditioning, at first he’ll find it difficult to recognise sarcasm from his peers and when Tommy his friend says
“you want my red crayon?Hahaha Just have the whole packet.”
He won’t see the glaring mockery in the statement rather he’ll feel overwhelmed by Tommy’s generosity.
He’ll only lose his blindness to sarcasm after regular interactions with peers or kids with siblings. But still this trait would never truly die.
On the contrary, it would mature into a deep love of logic and a mind-boggling level of gullibility which we’ll get to later on.
9. Can’t Stand Deprivation
Deprivation is the lingua franca of every kid with siblings.
When you’ve got sibs, you’re deprived of your right to privacy, your right to exclusive ownership of property, your right to continuous control of the T.V remote control, your right to your own new clothes (not some hand me downs passed from one sib to another).
There is no denying this, even if you happen to be a young wizard possessing magical abilities, you still won’t be able to escape the deprivation. Just ask Ron Weasely.
As a matter of fact, kids with sibs learn to see the bigger picture. They come to see being deprived as a virtue and anyone who is not deprived is entitled and spoilt.
Yea right, don’t take all this to heart if you’re an only child. It is clear that individuals who grew up with sibs just label those who didn’t because they (the ones with sibs) constitute the majority.
Anyway as an only child, you can’t stand deprivation because you’re not used to it. This is why when you go to college and they give you a roommate, you’ll love the idea at first but that’s only temporary.
You’ll soon realize that you’re being deprived of your personal space and that could constitute a huge problem.
Perhaps the most important aspect of an only child’s inability to stand deprivation is the outspokenness that comes with it.
Remember deprivation makes you accept that your toes would be stepped on from time to time?
Well imagine when you don’t see why your toes should be stepped on. It’s why you’ll always scream the proverbial ‘ouch’ whenever you feel slighted. Because let’s face it, you know your rights.
This isn’t always a bad thing because you’ll never be accused of allowing others walk all over you. And this brings us to our next point, which is attitude.
8 You’ve Got Attitude
Oh you’ve got spunk, lot’s of it! You’ve got that outspokenness I was referring to a few lines ago.
You don’t cower before bullies or those in authority. As a matter of fact, you believe everyone has limits or spheres of actions they are allowed to take.
You find it difficult to tolerate those who overstep their bounds. This makes you very confident and kind of insubordinate.
Kids with sibs are more likely to tolerate bullies because they understand deprivation and they have imbibed the culture of perseverance.
This attitude and outspokenness also makes you brutally blunt. Have you noticed how you say things irrespective of what others might feel?
Take harmless statements like
"Oh my God. Jenna this dress looks hideous on you. It makes you look pale!"
To you it’s just a harmless fact but the truth is you’re more likely to be this honest because you’re an only child and like I said, very logical.
Lets face it, you never or very rarely lie to your parents because there is no point. If you broke your father’s favourite jug, there’s no one to shift the blame to.
It becomes quite natural for you to form the habit of owning up or saying the truth. Saying the truth always or too regularly makes it easy for you to be tactless.
On the other hand, a kid with sibs in order to deal with deprivation and sarcasm learns diplomacy.
Simply put people who grew up with siblings are extremely good at lying. Even if you put on a bright green sweater and bright green trousers with pink sneakers and you’re like
“I look good, don’t I?”
Chances are the kid with sibs would nod and say something non-committal like “uh, yea you okay.”
Therefore your attitude makes you very distinct and obvious. People soon come to recognise you for your character and this brings us to the next point.
7 You Get A Free Pass Way More Than Others Do
Individuals who are prone to outbursts or who are very vocal about their feelings tend to be given a long line of tape.
Simply put it is quite conventional to tolerate individuals with an ‘attitude’.
There’s always the general consensus that goes like “oh well, that’s Jenna for you. She can be a handful.” Or “Dayo can be like that sometimes, you know he’s temperamental.”
People always feel the need to explain the behaviour of a non-conventional individual.
It all comes down to plain old learning to deal with deprivation.
See like I said earlier, those that learnt perseverance are somehow fascinated by and sometimes a bit envious of those that did not learn perseverance (which is you the only child with the attitude).
That ability to complain about supposed injustice, or to disagree with something that makes you uncomfortable rather than just going with it, is a very intriguing quality.
Which is why you’ll hear people say stuff like “well, he’s not used to being treated like that. He must be an only child or the last child.”
Also you’ll find that a lot of people root for the fellow with the attitude. They don’t want you to lose that defiant spark like they have.
They don’t want your illusions to be shattered so they tend to pamper you by giving you a free pass.
Its why some people can say the meanest stuff like my earlier example: “Oh my God. Jenna this dress looks hideous on you. It makes you look pale!”
and Jenna would chuckle and be like “I guess you’re right.”
And some other individual (the perseverant bloke with no attitude) would say that same stuff and get reproving looks that seem to say
“how can you say something like that? Don’t you have any tact?”
6. Big Fan of Bonds and Friendship
Hell yea, you love the whole sappy idea of ‘BFF’s’. Your keep friends that are as close as brothers or sisters.
You get to do the cool stuff like having sleep overs or vacationing with friends (kids with sibs wouldn’t even dare to dream).
Perhaps this point is self-explanatory. See, whether you want to admit it or not, having zero siblings creates a void that needs to be filled up.
Being an only child makes you more prone to be extroverted.
I mean you’ve got attitude, confidence, you’re used to interacting with older peeps meaning you know how to express yourself---all these are prime qualities for attracting them friends your way.
There is also the novelty that comes from being an only child. Your status makes individuals form stereotypes around you.
Belonging to a stereotype makes you intriguing and this in turn makes others emulate your unique style.
Take blacks for example with the hip-pop culture and all that it entails. See how it’s so immensely popular, you hear the blacks accusing non-blacks of cultural appropriation.
It all follows the same principle that unique equals attractive.
The most visible drawback to this is the fact that you’re probably the one that actively seeks friendships.
Fact is, individuals with siblings are more vulnerable to the danger of being introverted. They’ve already got the bonds and connections they need right within the confines of their own home.
This especially occurs when there is little age gap between siblings. They form a kind of cult-like bond that allows them to communicate with incomplete sentences, inside jokes, facial gestures and stuff like that.
All this makes it a bit difficult and unnecessary to open up to outsiders. So you find kids that are noisy and boisterous at home become cool-headed and unobtrusive outside.
And it is usually kids with siblings that suck at keeping friends. This is because of the inescapable nonchalance.
They usually hate visiting, find it hard to miss outsiders and stuff like that. The simple fact is they’re already complete.
Except for some reason, maybe if they become separated from their sibs perhaps because of educational pursuits or the simple motion of life, kids with siblings rarely go out of their way to make friends.
5. You Prefer The Company Of Older People
Come on admit it, you think people your age are dumb don’t you? You could swear before you were ten while those retards were still scared of flipping the finger.
Being an only child enables you to become accustomed to the company of older people.
Starting from your parents to your grandparents, to friends of your parents and on and on, you’ve been around them adults and they’ve lost their mystique before you.
As an only child, it’s quite easy to be treated like someone with more maturity. You’ll be allowed to take part in adult conversations long before kids your age stop being sent to their rooms.
You probably have that genial grandpa or uncle who lets you take a shot of whiskey because who cares, Junior is becoming a man.
All this makes you grow up much faster, leaving your peers behind.
This makes it possible for you to get into trouble because you said or showed something to a peer, something harmless and trivial to you.
Unfortunately, it might not seem so trivial to your friend and in his or her excitement, blabbing might occur and the wrong stuff might reach the wrong ear like other peers or teachers or parents and bam you’ve got a big fat outrage on your hands over absolutely nothing.
That’s where the stereotypes come in and you’ll hear the self-righteous adults saying stuff like “only-children are so spoilt and corrupt, they constitute a bad influence.”
Or “what kind of home training lets a child watch movies like this?” or “I don’t want you hanging out with a kid that thinks it’s okay to drink alcohol.”
I mean what’s the big deal about alcohol and R-rated movies right? It’s something everyone is going to indulge in anyway.
To clarify the point, it’s the drama over irrelevant stuff that will make your peers put you off.
Because of your rapid maturation, most of the things that shock them wouldn’t shock you and therefore you’ll prefer the company of the more level-headed adults. This brings us to the next point.
4. You Have Unconventional Ideas
Well at first its imaginary friends who don’t turn out to be real like Sully, Sam Winchester’s friend.
You’ll get that if you’re a fan of supernatural. Anyway, thanks to being alone most of the time, you get used to using your imagination to entertain yourself and imagination is the mother of ideas.
So being an only child gives you a unique lens through which you view the world.
check out this article
First off, you’re more likely to be a liberalist and you tend to be quite open minded.
In fact this open mindedness might graduate to the level of nihilism, where you’ll question conventional values and structures like religion and morality.
You’ve probably flirted with the idea of being an atheist (even if your parents happen to be Christians or something). And for you the world is way more grey than black and white.
Your mind’s eyes can see the middle line in everything.
All this comes from interacting more frequently with adults from a very young age coupled with the amount of alone time you get to use your imagination.
Kids with siblings their age on the other hand need little use of their imagination and thus have little time for questioning.
They don’t get to be all quiet and philosophical except they’re the last of the bunch and all their sibs have left or are too grown up.
Having unconventional ideas is not all that bad as it makes you adventurous and more creative.
It also engineers in you a desire to express or make something of yourself and this desire is what forms early independence.
Chances are that while your peers are still trying to figure out the colour of Annie’s panties, or explore the experience of smoking, you’re already working towards a dream or goal because being unconventional fills you with dreams that make you ambitious.
3. You Come Off As Impatient
Okay remember how I said you lack diplomacy because you tend to be brutally honest? Well that’s what all this boils down to.
Imagine you meet a five year old kid who paints a really distasteful piece of crap on paper with the crayon her parents bought for her with their hard earned money and… And this kid gleefully shows you her masterpiece and is like “check out my drawing of Iron Man.”
Fast as a whiplash, the first thing you’re going to say is
“that’s Iron man? You sure?”
of course this would earn you a devastated pout and trembling lips from the young budding artist. In a clumsy attempt to make things right you’ll blunder further and be like
“I guess the colour looks like Iron man’s suit. Iron man’s suit is red isn’t it?”
Unfortunately the place you’ll be pointing to would be the red flowers she just happened to paint as the background and this would make her face fall the more.
In a moment you’ll be like, you know what, I give up. I hate kids.
Guess what people who can’t stand kids are viewed as by people who can stand kids---impatient mutants from a galaxy God never created.
Your brusque undiplomatic nature would also make it difficult for you to feign interest—something everyone who understands deprivation happens to be very good at.
Like when a peer for the umpteenth time, starts to tell his story about how he got pulled over by a cop last Friday night.
Forgetting that last Friday night was actually two weeks ago and frankly no one gives one half of a zero fuck about his last Friday night.
Everyone else would nod their heads and pretend to listen but not you though. Because you can’t help yourself, you’ll be the one to say
“Dear God, James. We’ve heard this story a million times already!”
Not having to be diplomatic also makes you somewhat of a perfectionist. Remember when I said you believe people have certain spheres and they shouldn’t overstep their bounds?
Well you also believe things have ways they should be done and most of the time; you can see the big picture right there in your mind’s eye.
So of course it grates on you when others start bumbling or messing up the plan. Since you’re quite vocal, you’ll be quick to point this out and try to make everyone fall in line.
All this is good as it should bring out the desired result except for one thing, you’ll risk being branded a perfectionist by reason of this. There is just no escaping that.
2. You’re Gullible
Oh you fall for bullshit, don’t you? Being alone has kept you sheltered from the intrigues of the harsh harsh world.
Kids with siblings are like politicians, always plotting and conniving for the available resources.
They prank each other continually and like I said, they’re good at sarcasm and are well versed in the art of lying so the level of deception is very high.
When a kid says he’s thirsty and his brother or sister without prompting rushes to get him a glass of water, chances are there’s urine in that water.
Therefore growing up in such a tumultuous environment equips such individuals with a perfectly working bullshit sensor.
Unfortunately you do not possess this important accessory. Heck, you don’t even recognise sarcasm in the first place.
1. You’re Lonely.
Loneliness is the companion of the only child. Disagree all you want, swear by all the activities and friends you’ve used to fill the void.
The fact is the void is always there. There is that understanding that you possess no brother or sister.
It’s why you’ll actively seek friendship and consciously or unconsciously, you’ll try to replicate the relationship between siblings.
If it’s any consolation, most kids with siblings actually fantasize about being in your shoes simply because the grass is always greener on the other side.