11 Things Only The Truly Poor Would Understand
Quirky Articles ep 12
I need a butler, butler to bring me back to life.
Society is divided into three broad financial categories. We have the upper class, the middle class and the lower class.
Money is just a tool for the upper class. But for the middle and lower classes, money is air and money is life.
This disparity in the need for money makes it difficult for the upper class aka rich people to relate with the problems of the lower class aka poor people.
The middle class enjoy a unique seat on the fence. They are never actually rich but they don’t fit into the poor people’s club either.
They are always at the door of poverty with one foot in and one foot out. This makes it easier for them to relate with the problems of the humble fellows.
You can think of this article as a sort of am i poor test? So if you find yourself relating with the points I’m about to list out, well you know where you belong.
Now don’t get mad, don't feel broke and depressed, afterall no condition is permanent. He who stands might fall someday and he that is fallen might rise one day.
By the way, I’m not one to blow my trumpet but I’m just gonna say that I created that quote. Yea the one you just read about he who stands and he that is fallen bla bla bla. So yea, bow before Sage Samuel, lol.
Seriously though, if you can relate to these eleven points then well…hmm
11. Dreaming of A Better Life
Yes, dreaming of a better life. I can imagine some upper middle class fellows fuming at this. Yea I know, I know. We all dream of a better life. Nah, not really.
The rich don’t. I hate to break it to you but you only dream of a better life because you are yuck…poor. Don’t try to sugar coat it.
Yea the rich have their pains but the fact is you’ll switch places with them in a heart bit. You’ll take their pain and money too so long as it means leaving the ‘poor people zone’ for good.
If you’re getting offended because I keep using the word ‘you’ as if I actually know you’re poor, well, don’t be offended.
I can be such a nuisance sometimes. If it makes you feel any better, I believe there’s a Bill Gates in you somewhere. See how sweet I am?
10. Cutting Open That Empty Macleans or Colgate Toothpaste
Seriously, you don't think toothpaste mutilation is a bad idea?
Come on man, I mean, seriously? Are you going to argue with me right now? Oh really what’s your excuse? Let me guess, you don’t believe in wastage huh? The tooth paste is finished for crying out loud.
You’ve squeezed the living daylight out of it but that’s not good enough for you. You just can’t resist the urge to take a scissors and cut the end open in order to use the little paste remaining.
I got a million dollar idea. Have you tried buying a new one? Of course you have, I mean if you’re genius enough to know how to use a scissors, you sure as hell know the way to the store or wherever you get your supplies.
But the reason why you won’t buy a new one, at least not yet is because……….
I rest my case.
Yea, you're a real environmentalist.
If you know you kept the last bottle water container you bought and if you know that the plastic coke bottle you bought the other day is now your new water bottle, then I hate to break it to you buddy but you ain’t rich.
Look, don’t call it being innovative, okay. Rich people throw their used bottles in the trash where they belong. They do not recycle!
They do not bring back the plastic spoons that were given to them at wedding ceremonies or obituaries, to their homes in order to use as permanent eating spoons.
No one is saying it’s wrong to recycle but now you know why you do it. And like I said, don’t get mad if I keep using the word ‘you’. I just can’t help myself.
8. Eating Sleep for Dinner.
Yes we know rich people love to diet. But that’s not why you sleep early, is it? Sleep is God’s gift of escape to man especially since he ruled out suicide.
This is why most of us use it to escape anything from anxiety, to boredom, to sadness to…hunger baby.
So if you understand what it means to sleep early in order to skip dinner and reach the next day then well, I’m not saying anything okay. You didn’t hear it from me.
7. Spending Most of Your Income on Pay Day or Not Long After Pay Day
It’s actually been proven psychologically that poor people use up most of their income as soon as they get it because they are not used to having much and they are scared that they will soon lose it.
Weird right? This mentality of rapid spending and no saving helps cement them in the diabolical cycle of poverty.
This habit is detrimental regardless of what an individual earns on a regular basis.
It’s called living from cheque to cheque, salary to salary, hand to mouth. If you understand this then, you just might be on the third class I listed earlier on.
But hey, like I said, I believe there’s a Bill Gates in you somewhere *winks*
6. Exclusive Preference for Second Hand Cars
Well um, second hand cars have their perks. They have um…well, they’ve proven that they’re usable for starters and they are quite affordable.
Affordable, that’s the keyword, isn’t it. So raise your hands if you know you’ve never bought a car with less than forty thousand miles under its belt.
Raise your hands if you’ve never bought a car that still had its factory settings and packaging.
Did you raise your hands? Oh you did? Well, unless you are a collector of museum automobile specimens, then I don’t really wanna say this but you know where you stand.
Look on the brighter side though; some people are stuck with the vehicles God gave them. For them, driving would be a privilege.
Resist the urge to punch me in the face, okay. I’m way over here and you are way over there. What’s the point?
5. Exploring the Millions of Ways to Eat Rice And Beans
So it turns out rice and beans makes up a rich group of ingredients for just about any meal. You can make rice and eat it with beans soup.
Then there’s boiled rice and beans which can be eaten together just like that. There’s also boiled beans with rice fillings.
The magic is in figuring out these marvellous ways to turn rice and beans into that much needed next meal. Why? Well because there’s no other thing to eat, damn it.
It’s okay if you relate, at least now you know you’re not alone.
4. Hawking Valuables On OLX Or Other Third Party Sites
Well, maybe you’ve found your inner merchant. Maybe you provide important commodities like fairly used pants/boxers, game pads or android phones and you sell them on sites like Craig’s list or JiJi.
Don’t even give me the ‘we all do it’ mantra. There’s only two classes of people that do this. There’s the middle class and the lower class.
You wanna know what rich people do when they need money? Sorry that’s a trick question because rich people never need money.
3. Attempting To Withdraw That Last 1 dollar or 1000 Naira or Whatever
Bank accounts usually have limits for withdrawals. Once you’ve reached this limit, you lose the power to withdraw from the ATM.
Of course the bank wouldn’t let you clean out the whole account because duh, it’s a bank account and it’s meant to keep money.
But that won’t stop you from trying. You’ll go prayerfully to the atm machine in hopes of withdrawing your last 1000 naira.
You’re willing to leave the few kobos or cents for the bank and well you just hope they’ll let you because you need the money.
There’s a group of people that have no idea what their bank’s lowest limit is. You wanna know who they are? Well, I’ll tell you. They are the rich people.
Yea, the group you don’t belong with if you can relate to this point.
2. Expecting One Litre Of Petrol To Carry You All The Way To Work And Back.
Well, cars are supposed to be sensitive, aren’t they? I mean if we consider all the care they get from us their owners, one would think the four wheeled demons would be a little more considerate.
Is expecting your car to be loyal enough to run on just about a litre of petrol really too much to ask? There is a recession afterall. Does the metallic beast think your saliva is made of fuel?
These are very normal questions to ask. They seem quite logical, don’t they? Well not to the rich peeps though.
A car can’t run on just one litre. What is it? On a diet? If you want it to run, you’ve gotta buy enough petrol, that’s how it works.
But you won’t buy, at least not yet because…
1. Where’s The Drip
This is a universal game truly poor people understand. You need three instruments to play this game. First you need rain or any water source, then you need a leaky roof and thirdly you need buckets to catch the drips.
It’s quite easy really. All you’ve gotta do is place buckets right under the droplets falling from the ceiling so that they don’t mess your rug or whatever.
Whenever the buckets get full, you go empty them and return them to catch more water droplets.
Rich people would just repair the leaky roof or move out of the apartment but hey, that’s rich people, they are no fun at all.